Can You Hear Me Now??

Do you ever have those days when the noise in your head is so loud that you just can't concentrate? Today is one of those for me. I feel like God is screaming, "Can you hear me now?" and I'm going..."what?..did you say something Lord?..could You speak up."

I sat in church this morning and tried desperately to get my self together, but I just couldn't. I felt such a heavy spirit upon me and have yet to pinpoint exactly what that means. I was distracted while trying to lead worship...concentrating so much on getting it right that I failed to worship, thus didn't "get it right." I just felt like so many people, myself included, were just going through the motions of Sunday...checking their list that they'd attended church for the week. Our Saviour is so more deserving of our full attention and authentic praise...not the half-hearted, so called worship that He received this morning. I know that He must be disappointed in me.

I desire so much more! Why is it so hard to just live it out loud for God...all the time! Not a weekend check in....not a habit...not out of guilt or obligation. Real, Authentic, seeping out of my pores kinda life. That's the way I want to love my God!Why do I allow my circumstances and surroundings to steal my joy? I've been in a relationship with Christ for long enough that I feel I shouldn't be struggling with some of these basic principles, but here I am...so close to Christ birthday and feeling so far away from Him. I really need to find that quiet, still place in me and reconnect with my Best Friend this week....to make room in the "inn" and quit crowding Him out....to listen for that still, small voice....sometimes I think God has to get quiet, so I'll take notice. I'm praying that at the end of this week when God asks, "can you hear me?"...I'll be able to say, "Yes, Lord. I'm listening."