God is doing some amazing things in my life.....
The most obvious thing is the restoration of my marriage. Honestly, less than a month ago I wasn't sure if there was any thread of hope for salvaging our broken lives...but God has really been speaking to me on the topic of trust through a number of ways.
Through counseling at the VA....
Through friends that are bold enough to tell me the truth....
Through pastors not afraid to preach God's Word with conviction....
Through my own personal quiet time with God....
This past weekend I was ready to throw in the towel and call it done, but God kept me awake and spoke to me in the quiet of the night in His soft whisper. He spoke softly to me, so that I would have to listen closely...and I heard Him say....Trust Me.
Trust Me with your life...with your marriage...with your health...with you. Let go.
All this time through counseling I've thought that it was my husband that I wasn't trusting, but this past weekend I realized that God is the one I wasn't trusting. Wow! What a breakthrough!
God is up to something big! BIG!! He is working in my life...in my husbands life...in our family...in our church...in our ministry....And I certainly don't want to miss it because I was too selfish to let go of my stubborn pride. So....I'm letting go and trusting God....I'm letting go and clinging to God.
Here's chorus I wrote a few weeks ago as God was beginning to unravel me....
I'm letting go...
Of my past and my pain...
Of the things I can't see...
Of my fears and my pride...
I'm letting go of me...
I'm letting go....so I can hang on to You
Ok...there's so much more I want to share, but that will have to wait for another day...but God is showing me some awesome things about my ministry and where He wants me to be and what it means to Worship and lead others to Worship....can't wait to share that with you...
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1 comment:
I am so thankful to hear that God is doing some restorative work. Thank you for sharing.
So...I have a story for you. I'll try to keep it brief.
Several years ago I did some counseling to work through some ministry-related hurt. God surprised me (doesn't He always) and really used that time to help me discover some things I'd been really unwilling to face in my life. Number one: TRUST.
I remember very clearly the day I sat in my counselor's office and said to God (with my arms crossed and from a defensive posture) "God, I'm sorry but I don't trust you". Very freeing for me. In the very next breath, I uttered the same sentence (this time from a very broken and repentant posture), "God, I'm sorry that I don't trust you". Both postures felt true, but the truer of the two was my repentant, tender and broken stance.
Does this make sense?
Anyway, I realized also that my distrust of God spilled over into other relationships (again, doesn't it always?) including my husband.
Don't know if I'm making any sense, but I think I understand where you're coming from, and yet I think trust is so much easier said than done.
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