Tuesday, May 29, 2007

A Sad Day

I have so many emotions going on inside my head and heart that I'm not sure I can even sort them out. We, the 875th EN BN, had our first (and I hope only) casualty of war this Memorial weekend. I don't think I can accurately convey the way that I feel...the fears that I have. This was just another reminder of the danger that our soldiers are in...that my husband is in. This is real...it's not summer camp or a day at the park...it's war and this weekend it hit home...HARD. Although I didn't know the young man personally, I know the unit...I know the batallion...he was one of the hometown heroes. I've cried and cried until there's just not any tears left. I've been angry...sad...frustrated...humbled...afraid. And however many emotions I feel, it still can't compare to the loss that this family feels and this tragedy that has befell them. I can't imagine and I pray I never have to. Oh yeah...guilt...that's another emotion that's been prevalent this weekend. Why? Because my very first thought upon hearing of this tragic loss...was thank God it wasn't Q's company...thank God it wasn't my husband. How selfish of me. I know that next time it could be. This is a war and nothing is certain. The one thing that I know for sure is...that God has it all in control. I realize His will and my desire may not be the same, but ultimately whatever happens will be for good. I'm trying desperately to hold onto that thought....to that promise from God. As for now, I have a heavy heart and a weak body. May God use me to minister to this family and give me the strength I need. SPC Erich Smallwood will forever be remembered. Godspeed to the 875th.

1 comment:

Gary and Vicki Mealer said...

Gary and I were sadden to the news of this young man. I first thought
was how brave this young man is, how young, and how freedom is not free. My second thought was you.
I just happened up on your blog for the first time tonight, and I am so glad I did. After reading this entery, I found myself sitting here feeling the emotion in your words and crying with you.
The loss this family in going through is heart wretching.I pray that these words well help you help them. Giving you some understanding as to what they are going through. It is not what they are going through right now that is the hardest, it is when everyone has gone home. It is the stillness of the night, the quietness in the day and the memories of our minds that will be the hardest part of this loss for these parents. Isaiah 57:1
is where I find comfort for my loss and share with many parents who have lost their children.
"The righteous pass away, the Godly die before their time. No one seems to care or wonder why.
No one seems to understand that God is protecting them from the evil to come and the Godly who die will rest in peace." NLT
The tradedy in which this young man died is hard enough to understand, but that God called him home instead of allowing him to live with horrific injury, or sever brain damage is merciful. God was protecting this young man and his parents from things only God knows. When Brad died, I know God was protecting me. As his mother, God knew I can accept his death much better than I could watch him suffer day in and day out wondering if he would live, was he in pain and not able to say. God knows what we as his children are able to cope with and what we are not. Don't forget about this family weeks from now, that is when they will need you the most. On occation send a card to remind them they are not forgotten, call in a month and let her talk about all the great things this young man has done in his short life (we forget all the bad things they did) everything you hear is good. HA! If you truely want to help this family get through this tragedy don't just be here now but commit to the next few months.
I will pray for you as you help this family through this terrible time in their lives. May God give you wisdom, sincere compassion, and His love in abundance to share with this young man's family and friends. I am here if you need me.

Love in Christ