Monday, October 15, 2007

Communication--Connecting on a Heart Level

The past two Sundays, our church, has been focusing on Marriage..."Duet or Duel"...and yesterdays sermon was on the topic of communication. I have to agree, that this is one of the most important things you can do for your marriage...learn to communicate.

We were hangin' out with a couple last night and they were asking us how we managed the past year with Q being deployed...so many of our soldiers have come home to find their wives have moved on without them...so, how are we different? How did we escape the true "casualty of war?" Both of us replied, COMMUNICATION! We made it a point to talk every day, even if that meant he had to get up earlier than he'd like or that I stayed up later than I needed to. We sacrificed sleep, lunch, free time...whatever it took...because we knew our marriage depended on us connecting every day.

Now that Q's home, I find that talking...really talking...is more difficult. We get so bogged down with our day to day life, kids schedules, jobs, church...that we tend to neglect each other. We have to be intentional about spending time together and communicating on a heart level. If I learned anything over the past year, it's that I cannot take my husband for granted and that we have to connect daily.

So, my challenge....to find creative ways to make time for each other. Suggestions? How do you nurture your relationship with your spouse? I'm listening.

3 comments:

mindi said...

That's a great tip since our deployment is T minus 1.5 months and counting. Communication. We don't do enough of that even when he's here, like you said we get caught up in the rigors of daily life!!
But we aren't going to be a casualty of war, we're too stubborn for that :)

Sgt and Mrs Hub said...

Daniel and I do as much together as we can. We both have times when we do our own thing - of course - but we spend a lot of time together.

When I do the dishes at night he sits on the counter and talks with me, he hangs out with me when I make dinner - if he's home, sometimes he helps and sometimes he putzes around on his laptop. We go on walks together- which has always been our prime communication time. He leaves me notes and vise versa on our Google homepage throughout the day (he signs in on his laptop at work) which keeps us connected without a phone call or visit.
I guess, we just make being together a priority. Whether it's big stuff or normal everyday things we just like to hang out next to the other one.

-Andrea

Big Bro said...

Hiya sis!

Well it seems everyone is brainstorming about heart issues this week. However I think that yours is probably one of the most important. Our society as a free nation, as well as our standing with the Lord is reflected by the "family life" we live. The Holiness of marriage has been under attack for years now in liberal areas of our own nation,much less abroad.

Nurturing our relations with our spouse is very much like nurturing our relationship with God.
As a married man I can say that my wife is admittedly better equipped emotionally when it comes to nurturing. God designed women that way. To be caregivers. A controversial subject in todays society, but as we know a very clear and easily understood ideal as explained by Gods word.
God instructs the husband and wife to love each other the same. He instructs the husband to love his 'earthly' wife as Christ loves his church, and gave himself for it. As far as the nurturing...we have to keep in mind that God gives us our wives as a reward for our toil and labours in this life. As we are told in scripture. This means you were chosen for him just as he was chosen for you.
Society(aka the worldy view) would say you have to woo ones spouse with riches and jewels and the finer things in life. And while it is true we live in a capitalist type atmosphere, we are reminded by scripture that we are to live in the world yet, not be of the world. Corinthians 13 speaks of hope faith,love,charity,trust, but that the most important of these, the greatest of these is love. Why? God is love. His love is just as perfect as his grace and mercies.
Instead of spending say enough money to make a car payment to buy a gift,send the kids to the sitters, prepare a candle light dinner, unplug the tv the phone and put the cell on standby just to keep tabs on the kids if your needed. Relax ,dont try to recapture the first date, the first kiss. Those moments are part of who you are now. Instead build new memories, share truths and lessons learned since that first kiss , since the first child was born, since the first anniversary. You may laugh, you may shed a few tears. Chances are you will do both. But most importantly love, and pray together for those things closest to the heart of your marriage. From there its kind of hard to say, but as with all things, God will lead, whether its in the intimate moments designed for husband and wife, by God, or with a starry night walk at some park somewhere. Or maybe going through 50 old photo albums and scrapbooks to remember days gone by.
I advise you not to look back , not to look so much forward. But live the moments. God says we have no promise of the coming of the next moment. Just as God forgives and forgets our sins, our wrongs when we submit our life to his will, he does not want us revisiting our past and reliving that pain. Yes, a far greater test of faith. The wife is to submit herself to the husband just as the church submits herself to Christ, for just as Christ is head of the church, the husband is also head of the wife. Submission doesnt mean slavery as most liberals misconstrue it today and holler about civil rights violations. Submission means knowing you husband is faithful not just to you, but mainly to God and his will. Submission means the wife is to love and support the husband in the things she knows are right.
You are a helpmate. Independance and equal rights are not the issue. One has nothing to do with the other. In truth God is in control as we submit to his will, so it should be with our families and the head of the household, providing the head of household is on the straight and narrow in Gods will.
Trust is another key element for both sides. Whether or not any trust have ever been betrayed or not , trust is fundamental to every relationship. Our realtionship with Jeus and with our spouse and children especially. It is from the relationships that we branch out into families friends and fellow Christians as interactive beings.
Relating to those around us.
Finally sis, you and Q have figure the 2 biggest hurdles out, having God as the focal point, and having communication .
Can you picture how our relationship with God would work , if he hadnt given us the written word. Or if maybe we had the word, but not the avenue of prayer?
Would wind up being kind of one sided. The same is true in our marriages in our families and in our everyday interactions with people. As far as the ideas , most of them will depend on what you enjoy doing as a couple. What brings you joy, happiness ,pleasure, closeness, concetrate on doing those things that nurture your relationship with god , and you will by default help to nurture the relationship with your God fearing husband in ways you havent even thought of yet.
Above all as you and Q grow together as you learn to assume the role as a nurturing supportive wife even moreso than ever before, pass this knowledge to your children. Explain those things that need explained.
Above all sis, remember what we as friends have shared this last year , the losses, the gains, the lessons learns. Your not challenged my dear friend. As with all Christians, your faith is tested . Think of it as an opportunity , not a challenege. A chance to realize some dreams, to follow Gods will without past goofs on either side , utilizing the knowledge and wisdom from life lessons learned. Share together what you have learned, pray about it , thank God for it, and let your light shine. The oppurtunity here is to bring Satan to his knees in any venue he may have caused issue within your life as a person or married couple. Sis God has given you a gift. Not just of voice. Not just to minister to others, but a God given spouse, and the blessing of having had children. As we both know, nothing is written in stone. With God all things are possible. Nurturing is something you will learn to do as a natural act , not something that can be taught , but is learned through experience and Gods guidance. I dont know that this helps , but I hope and will pray for this opportunity to unfold for you and Q as God would have it too.

Love ya guys
John