This Father's Day is a bit different for me. After 34 years, I've decided I really want to find my biological dad. It's something I've thought about many times and have wrestled the pros and cons. I realize that I may be setting myself up for huge rejection, but there is something in me that desires to know more than anything....more than the risk of being hurt.
So, this weekend, after talking to my mom...I've made the leap to begin actively looking. I have a name. And that's pretty much it.
I'm nervous. Scared. Excited.
A little background on the story. And by little, I mean just the bare bones.
My mom got pregnant with me her senior year in high school. She never married him and they didn't see each other again. I think he did come to see me when I was one, but was told to leave. From what I can gather, he had a wife and family already and didn't really want to be a part of my life...only to console his ego. My mom met my step-dad soon after and they began dating when I was 18 months old and were married when I was 3. I never knew he wasn't my dad until I was around 10 years old and ran across my birth certificate. There wasn't a father listed and inquired "why?" My stepdad adopted me when I was 14 and I legally became his daughter and really didn't think much about the dad I never knew. At age 17, my senior year, my parents divorced and I have only seen my stepdad a few times a year at most. There's alot that goes into that divorce...I was unwed and pregnant, my dad was involved in some things he shouldn't have been...it just wasn't a good situation at all. So, for the past 16 years I really haven't had someone to call dad and it has ignited a desire for me to find out where I came from.
I didn't think I would ever really want to know and I have no idea what I'm expecting, but here I am...searching...longing...hoping.
Happy Father's Day to my dad's....the one I don't know...and the one I never knew.